so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
