Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize