My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
