If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize