I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
