Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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