Got a toothbrush?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize