she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
