Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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