they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
