just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
