I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
