i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
