You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
