Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
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47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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