You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Randomize
