Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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