Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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