forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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