U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
