I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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