She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
