i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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