You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
