You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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