i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
