I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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