I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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