Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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