jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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