fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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