Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She bit a glass in half.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
