help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
