it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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