So drunk its hurt
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
