I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
