tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize