My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
