My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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