Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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