ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
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i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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