Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
