its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Acid is not a monday night drug
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
