If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
