nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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