They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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