he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
