my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
