I got chris browned last night
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
