If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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