I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
