Whod you bang
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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