peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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