I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My bed smells like the plague
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
