omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
