I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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